Work Experience
Regional Manager
Dunder Mifflin Sabre
2009-2012Broad decision-making authority on branch operations. I place those responsabilities secondary to my desire to be friends with my employees. On the other hand, I also overstep my authority by hosting events that Corporate disapproves. The Dundies is my best project.
Key Contributions:
- Brief bouts of surprising insight
- Laid-back approach often results in lower than expected workplace productivity
- Scapegoating employees to cover myself
CEO
Michael Scott Paper Company
2009-2009
Company founded to compete with my former employer after being humiliated. We set our prices too low and decided to declare bankruptcy. My former employer afraid of our talent wanted to buy the company out. I displayed a remarkable ability to negotiate with Dunder Mifflin and convinced the company to hire me and my employees.
Regional Manager
Dunder Mifflin Company
1994
In charge of Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. Loyal to the company, trying to help my employeed when they endure difficulties. I spend 80 percent of my time “distracting others,” 19 percent of my time “procrastinating,” and 1 percent of my time “critical thinking.” Still, we have the best sales records of the entire company.
Key Contributions:
- Joking around and treating professional colleagues as personal friends
- Silly conversations used to secure major sales
- Spread my famous quote "That's what she said" and use it in inappropriate circumstances.
Salesman
Dunder Mifflin Company
1992-1994
Made sales and closing contracts. Consecutive award winner for best salesman. Acquired half of the Scranton branch client base. I learnt Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.
Influencers
Prison Mike
He wears a purple bandana over his head, he is in prison for theft, robbery and kidnapping the president's son for ransom.
He taught me everything I need to know as being scared of Dementors.
Michael the Magic
The best magician in the world. He tried to escape fro ma straitjacket once but fails because he lost the key, some rumours say Jim Halpert hid it.
He knows numerous magic tricks. He attended magic camps.
Relationships
Dwight Schrute
Dwight has the most respect for me, viewing me as a model for success, and is thrilled when asked to handle my tasks, however ill-conceived it may be. Although on the surface I usually appear dismissive of Dwight and generally view him as a suck-up, I'm genuinely hurt and angry at the few times when Dwight refused to reveal office secrets to my new company, the Michael Scott Paper Company.
Ryan Howard
I have a crush on Ryan, which makes Ryan uncomfortable, something that I don't understand why. I gave him a $400 iPod for the staff's Christmas Secret Santa exchange, despite an agreed upon office limit of $20 per person, and in "The Dundies", I gave Ryan the "Hottest in the Office" award. He is my best friend. He is just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.
Toby Flenderson
I fiercely hate Human Resources Manager Toby Flenderson as he enforces the rules of proper office behavior that I love to flout. He works for corporate so he's really not part of our family. He's also divorced so he's not a part of his family either. My longtime goal is to get rid of Toby. I was thrilled when Toby decided to move to Costa Rica, I even gave him a rock with a note that reads "Suck on this". But he returned and I was completely horrified. I tried to frame him for possession of marijuana. It didn't work.